The Comfortable Middle
My brother and I used to play “hot lava” when we were kids. The furniture was safe, but the floor was hot lava that would surely kill you if you even brushed your toe against its surface. We’d take risks jumping from the couch to the chair and with much trepidation, step over onto the coffee table. It was a great thrill to play, and we certainly developed coordination and imagination in the process. But it was the beginning of the development of something else: the sense that life was like living on a tightrope surrounded by hot lava.
Bringing this sense into my understanding of God, for many years I felt as if I were walking that tightrope, hoping not to lose balance. Balance was only achieved by sticking to the tight middle, staying absolutely to the line.
At first, I stuck to the middle for fear of the lava below. I thought if I messed up, there was no hope. After I began to understand grace and forgiveness, there was then a net of our Savior’s love and forgiveness placed below me in the metaphor. Walking a tightrope causes tremendous anxiety and requires an amazing amount of focus and discipline. It’s an uncomfortable middle you must stay within. You can do it for awhile, but it’s not a sustainable way to live. There’s very little room for creativity or freedom of movement. That’s why we gaze, open-mouthed when we see it performed in the circus and the acrobats make it look as if they were on the floor.
I walked the tightrope for years. Every thought, every decision was balanced on that line. I couldn’t move for fear of losing balance one way or the other. But then I began to understand grace more deeply and the metaphor began to change again. I began to see balance as staying within the safety of our God. This is the comfortable middle.
The world is not a safe place, but we are safe within his protection. It’s more than a safety net under a rope, but a warm, familial safety of home. I think of Psalm 91 and the imagery of being underneath the wings of God in a dangerous world. Yes, there’s sin and danger out there, but we’re not left alone on a high wire with a safety net. We are under the wings of God, safe from what’s “out there.” We are in the “comfortable middle.” Not out of balance, but warm and at peace with our God, in the center of his love and grace.
Psalm 91:1 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.”
Psalm 91:3-4 “Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.”
Within this environment, life becomes full of freedom and peace. Creativity is released. Nobody is watching us, waiting for us to fall, but we have a father who is right there, helping us through the process. In this way, staying close is the challenge, not staying balanced. We need to stay under his wings, depending on him for our life—not on ourselves and our own ability.
Walk in the comfortable middle, and experience peace.
Mindy Hirst
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Doing Your Best
Doing Your Best
My mom used to say to me, “All I care about is that you do your best. If that means that you don’t get an A, that’s ok with me.”
Though I took it to heart in some respects, I strove for that A and the affirmation that little letter represented. This was often at the expense of other important things in my life. Only after living a little while, did I realize that there are other important things to strive for: relationships, taking on important responsibilities, gaining experiences.
The school environment is artificial in many ways, for good reason. Outside the classroom, education can get pushed to the background as survival growls in our faces everyday. Parents guard their kids from this monster to equip them with the education that will help them to deal with it in the future.
I’ve always been a sprinter. Fast, efficient, but only in the short run. What I ended up doing was sprinting for the goal I set before me while putting everything else on hold. Essentially I could get the “A” I set out for, but was failing in many other areas of life…usually the ones that had no grading scale. Eventually, I began to see that what I was craving was approval and that though that was an effective motivator for me, it wasn’t the highest goal in life.
My senior year in college, I had a professor who expected much. I was challenged and a not a little intimidated. I took a “no excuses” attitude with myself and vowed to do my absolute best in his classes. But then in my last semester, during work on my final research paper, I got slammed with a terrible illness. No car, I didn’t have the ability to run around to doctors to figure out the problem. I just tried to plod on through the misery. I don’t know how, but I would make it through an entire week of classes just to suffer through hours of violent nausea on the weekends. I’d lay in bed motionless until class on Monday morning, and then drag myself out of bed to face another week.
After six weeks, I knew I had to talk to the professor. The illness was affecting my paper, my attitude, attendance, and I knew I needed help and understanding. I remember meeting with him, literally shaking as I told him the problem. I hated making excuses for my lack of performance. Then he surprised me with his response. I can’t quote him exactly, but this is what I remember, “I wish you would have told me this earlier. I could have worked with you. It’s helpful to know what is going on with someone personally.” That moment, my attitude began to change. I began to allow my life to enter my education and to see them as a united whole. My needs as a person were not to compete with my work, but to be a part of what makes my work mine.
I know it doesn’t work this way in the classroom, but in my life, I see an average of a C in each area as an A overall. I now realize that a grade is no reflection of how valuable a class is to my education. A grade is not a final pronouncement on my worth, but a tool to use to gage progress and effort.
I didn’t graduate with highest honors, but overcoming great obstacles and finishing well made the honors I earned high enough for me. I stood proud of my work, cherishing what I gained from my education. I’ve accessed and added to it everyday since…sometimes getting an A and other times just learning something along the way.
My kids and family became my great equalizer. The constant need for attention and physical care forced me to give up my sprinter’s pace of burst, crash, burst, crash, and adopt a more sustainable model of living. This has forced me to let go of things that I used to strive for. A clean and orderly house when people came to visit, looking like I was put together, helping the people at church when they sent out the guilty vibes and it would help me “gain points.” I had to let them all go. My children’s health and well-being was more important than a perfect house. Getting them to the doctor trumped the junk mail being sorted through.
So now when I wade through the piles of things that need attention to spend energy on the people that need me, I give myself the “A” for life. I’ve earned it by allowing myself to average a “C” in all important areas and take a “Withdraw Fail” out of the electives for now. There will be time for them when the children are bigger.
My mom used to say to me, “All I care about is that you do your best. If that means that you don’t get an A, that’s ok with me.”
Though I took it to heart in some respects, I strove for that A and the affirmation that little letter represented. This was often at the expense of other important things in my life. Only after living a little while, did I realize that there are other important things to strive for: relationships, taking on important responsibilities, gaining experiences.
The school environment is artificial in many ways, for good reason. Outside the classroom, education can get pushed to the background as survival growls in our faces everyday. Parents guard their kids from this monster to equip them with the education that will help them to deal with it in the future.
I’ve always been a sprinter. Fast, efficient, but only in the short run. What I ended up doing was sprinting for the goal I set before me while putting everything else on hold. Essentially I could get the “A” I set out for, but was failing in many other areas of life…usually the ones that had no grading scale. Eventually, I began to see that what I was craving was approval and that though that was an effective motivator for me, it wasn’t the highest goal in life.
My senior year in college, I had a professor who expected much. I was challenged and a not a little intimidated. I took a “no excuses” attitude with myself and vowed to do my absolute best in his classes. But then in my last semester, during work on my final research paper, I got slammed with a terrible illness. No car, I didn’t have the ability to run around to doctors to figure out the problem. I just tried to plod on through the misery. I don’t know how, but I would make it through an entire week of classes just to suffer through hours of violent nausea on the weekends. I’d lay in bed motionless until class on Monday morning, and then drag myself out of bed to face another week.
After six weeks, I knew I had to talk to the professor. The illness was affecting my paper, my attitude, attendance, and I knew I needed help and understanding. I remember meeting with him, literally shaking as I told him the problem. I hated making excuses for my lack of performance. Then he surprised me with his response. I can’t quote him exactly, but this is what I remember, “I wish you would have told me this earlier. I could have worked with you. It’s helpful to know what is going on with someone personally.” That moment, my attitude began to change. I began to allow my life to enter my education and to see them as a united whole. My needs as a person were not to compete with my work, but to be a part of what makes my work mine.
I know it doesn’t work this way in the classroom, but in my life, I see an average of a C in each area as an A overall. I now realize that a grade is no reflection of how valuable a class is to my education. A grade is not a final pronouncement on my worth, but a tool to use to gage progress and effort.
I didn’t graduate with highest honors, but overcoming great obstacles and finishing well made the honors I earned high enough for me. I stood proud of my work, cherishing what I gained from my education. I’ve accessed and added to it everyday since…sometimes getting an A and other times just learning something along the way.
My kids and family became my great equalizer. The constant need for attention and physical care forced me to give up my sprinter’s pace of burst, crash, burst, crash, and adopt a more sustainable model of living. This has forced me to let go of things that I used to strive for. A clean and orderly house when people came to visit, looking like I was put together, helping the people at church when they sent out the guilty vibes and it would help me “gain points.” I had to let them all go. My children’s health and well-being was more important than a perfect house. Getting them to the doctor trumped the junk mail being sorted through.
So now when I wade through the piles of things that need attention to spend energy on the people that need me, I give myself the “A” for life. I’ve earned it by allowing myself to average a “C” in all important areas and take a “Withdraw Fail” out of the electives for now. There will be time for them when the children are bigger.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Buildings
I talked about plant analogies in my last post, contrasting plants with buildings. Interesting that I just came across this building analogy. I'm going to have to think more about this...
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=3&version=31
1 Corinthians 3
10By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. 11For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. 14If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. 15If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
16Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 17If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.
18Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. 19For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"[a]; 20and again, "The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile."[b] 21So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, 22whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas[c] or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, 23and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=3&version=31
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=3&version=31
1 Corinthians 3
10By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. 11For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. 14If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. 15If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
16Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 17If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.
18Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. 19For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"[a]; 20and again, "The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile."[b] 21So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, 22whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas[c] or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, 23and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=3&version=31
Goal or Gift?
Goal or Gift?
January always makes us think of new beginnings. The glitter of white snow gives us a sense that the old can be made right again. For me, the fact that it’s my birthday month adds to this sense of beginning.
There are many things we try to start anew. Learning new hobbies or getting back to old ones, reading new books or rereading favorites, investing in people or renewing old friendships. Another new start may be getting to know our Lord better.
So how do we approach these new beginnings? Do we get out our planners, plotting and planning how to rearrange the realities of our lives so we can do the things we feel we must? Do we take control of the situation, trying our best to accomplish more? Do we take the advice of the best minds of our world and begin to be proactive, assertive and focused?
There’s no doubt that the principles of business produce results in many cases. There may be times when these principles are needed, but can this be transferred to our spiritual lives? I think we need to be careful to think it through. Using a worldly principle may not be the best way to grow in our relationship with God.
I find it interesting that Jesus uses so many plant analogies. We don’t know as much about plants and their needs as we used to when people’s lives and the lives of plants were more interconnected. In our world of strip malls and tended landscaping, many of us cannot even keep a houseplant alive.
But I think it’s worth it to try to think about caring for plants and how it’s different from how we approach our goals. For a plant caretaker, a healthy plant is the goal. The fruit comes out of the health.
In our culture, we tend to look for the fruit. The more fruit the better. We want the plant to produce larger, better fruit for longer periods of time. We want to overlook the cycles of plants: times of growth, times of fruit and times of rest.
We like to build things. It’s faster, more to the point and it doesn’t take as much patient care as growing things. Plants on the other hand require patience, and nurturing. It isn’t about forcing a screw into a steel beam, but about providing what something needs to grow. It’s out of our control, and that makes us uncomfortable.
So who is the plant? Jesus talks about being the vine, and us being the branches. We need to bear fruit, but a plant doesn’t bear fruit all year. It’s working at being a healthy branch all year to bear fruit in season. So, just because there’s no visible fruit today, that does not mean it’s a worthless branch.
If we then are the branch, what do we do? The vine draws up the nutrients from the ground, the branches simply abides in the vine. This sort of passive activity disturbs me deep down. I was taught to do something, not to be something. But I am asked to abide, and Jesus says that His Father is the gardener. (John 15:1)
So we are asked to submit, not to plan, to become closer to our God. What a disturbing and freeing realization! I do not have to build my spiritual life like a building, or plan it like a well-executed project. I am called to be a branch that bears fruit, having abided in the vine and been taken care of by the gardener. Our fruitfulness is a gift, not a goal: a gift of health if we allow the gardener to take care of us, and abide in the life-giving vine.
Verses to Ponder
John 15
The Vine and the Branches
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=50&chapter=15&version=31
January always makes us think of new beginnings. The glitter of white snow gives us a sense that the old can be made right again. For me, the fact that it’s my birthday month adds to this sense of beginning.
There are many things we try to start anew. Learning new hobbies or getting back to old ones, reading new books or rereading favorites, investing in people or renewing old friendships. Another new start may be getting to know our Lord better.
So how do we approach these new beginnings? Do we get out our planners, plotting and planning how to rearrange the realities of our lives so we can do the things we feel we must? Do we take control of the situation, trying our best to accomplish more? Do we take the advice of the best minds of our world and begin to be proactive, assertive and focused?
There’s no doubt that the principles of business produce results in many cases. There may be times when these principles are needed, but can this be transferred to our spiritual lives? I think we need to be careful to think it through. Using a worldly principle may not be the best way to grow in our relationship with God.
I find it interesting that Jesus uses so many plant analogies. We don’t know as much about plants and their needs as we used to when people’s lives and the lives of plants were more interconnected. In our world of strip malls and tended landscaping, many of us cannot even keep a houseplant alive.
But I think it’s worth it to try to think about caring for plants and how it’s different from how we approach our goals. For a plant caretaker, a healthy plant is the goal. The fruit comes out of the health.
In our culture, we tend to look for the fruit. The more fruit the better. We want the plant to produce larger, better fruit for longer periods of time. We want to overlook the cycles of plants: times of growth, times of fruit and times of rest.
We like to build things. It’s faster, more to the point and it doesn’t take as much patient care as growing things. Plants on the other hand require patience, and nurturing. It isn’t about forcing a screw into a steel beam, but about providing what something needs to grow. It’s out of our control, and that makes us uncomfortable.
So who is the plant? Jesus talks about being the vine, and us being the branches. We need to bear fruit, but a plant doesn’t bear fruit all year. It’s working at being a healthy branch all year to bear fruit in season. So, just because there’s no visible fruit today, that does not mean it’s a worthless branch.
If we then are the branch, what do we do? The vine draws up the nutrients from the ground, the branches simply abides in the vine. This sort of passive activity disturbs me deep down. I was taught to do something, not to be something. But I am asked to abide, and Jesus says that His Father is the gardener. (John 15:1)
So we are asked to submit, not to plan, to become closer to our God. What a disturbing and freeing realization! I do not have to build my spiritual life like a building, or plan it like a well-executed project. I am called to be a branch that bears fruit, having abided in the vine and been taken care of by the gardener. Our fruitfulness is a gift, not a goal: a gift of health if we allow the gardener to take care of us, and abide in the life-giving vine.
Verses to Ponder
John 15
The Vine and the Branches
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=50&chapter=15&version=31
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